Why Are You Nervous?

My Name Used To Be On The Bag

I don’t play serious competitive golf anymore, but people I play with either know I was a professional or realize very quickly in a round that I can play, even if I don’t have my best day.

If they don’t know me, within a hole or two some will ask if I’m a pro. Naturally, not wanting to lie, I tell them I was a pro in my younger days. Invariably, they start acting nervous and struggle for a few holes. They stand over the ball longer in an attempt to concentrate harder to play better, and I know, before they start the backswing, they are about to hit an awful shot. Which they do. Over and over again. And then the frustration sets in, and it gets worse as the round goes along.

While this happens frequently with me and strangers I get paired up with, you can see this very scenario play out on the first tee of every golf course in America. Topped tee shots. Slices into the trees. Snap hooks into a lake. People trying too hard to be perfect at a game in which perfection is impossible. Why? Because they are nervous. Because they are afraid of what someone might think or say.

I have even been asked to leave a group in the middle of the round because one of the players was too nervous playing with me!

A few years ago, I started playing in a regular foursome at charity tournaments. One of our team members is a woman. She had started playing golf a few years earlier and fell in love with game. She had always been an athlete playing high level softball into her thirties. Golf started filling the competitive void she felt when she stopped playing softball.

In the first tournament we played, she struggled mightily. Even putting was difficult. I could see her trying so hard to play well and contribute to the team, but she was trying too hard. Even so, the team won the tournament.

The second tournament we played together went the same for her and the team. She struggled, but we won. At the dinner afterwards, she started talking about how nervous she felt playing with me. I asked her why she was nervous. She said I had been a pro, and she was still pretty new to the game.

But I wasn’t going to accept that answer. I asked her again why that made her nervous. She said because she was afraid of what I would think of her golf game, that I would expect her to play better than she was, and that I was judging her on how bad she played.

She genuinely felt pressure because she thought I had high expectations for her because I had been a pro. I told her she was looking at this the wrong way. If anyone felt the pressure to play well, it was me! I was a pro! My name used to be on my golf bag! I never worried how she or anyone else in the group played. I needed to play well for the group to succeed. That’s why I was asked to join the team. All the expectations for success were laser focused on me. That’s pressure!

She told she hadn’t looked at it that way. I told her it wasn’t that I didn’t feel the pressure, but I knew how to handle the pressure. I had learned over time to deal with it, but I felt the pressure all the same.

In our next tournament, she was very different. Relaxed. Laughing. Joking. As a result, she played better.

There’s something else I’d like to add. Better players don’t care what you shoot. They are focused on what they are doing, not on what you are doing. There’s no conscious critique of your golf swing or overall golfing ability. And if they do care about your game or lack thereof, then they are the problem and not you.

I will have a future post about why you should want to play with better players.

The next time you feel nervous playing with a better player or having strangers watch you tee off on the first tee, remember; they feel pressure just like you. I know I still feel pressure to play well in front of strangers, and my name used to be on my bag.

Instead, focus on

what I always say at the end; be thankful every time you play. It is a privilege to play this great game. Enjoy it. Have fun. Now, go golf!