Randoms

Singles in Need of a Group

After a few days golfing in Florida and Alabama last week, I’m back in my normal routine. I would have preferred staying south, but life called me back home. Driving from Atlanta back to Pennsylvania last Sunday leaves time to think. I spent time thinking about the golf and courses I played. I thought about the people I met at the golf course, restaurants and various other places I visited.

Even as I wrote last week’s newsletter, which included a story for my paid subscribers on today’s subject, I thought about a lot of the different people I’ve met on the golf course. Some of them were paired with me and friends. Other times, I was the one paired with a group of friends.

The single, or random, love’s the game and is willing to head off to the golf course without anyone to play a round with.

Going back to my youth, I often found myself hanging around the practice green waiting for a chance to join another player or group. I moved quite a few times as a growing up, and very few kids played golf in the places I lived. Being the new kid in school became normal for me. I won’t say it was ever comfortable, but I grew used to it. It played a big part in my getting used to being I became used to being a random.

A lot of people feel uncomfortable in this environment. Whether they have a group being joined by a random, or they are the random, it brings a level of anxiety. For me, I enjoy meeting new people, particularly golfers since we share a love of the game.

Most of the time, everything works out fine.

But not always.

Early one morning a few years ago, I headed up to the local golf course on my day off to get a round of golf in. Early weekday morning rounds back then found me heading out as a random since my friends were stuck at work.

On this particular morning, I booked a tee time online as a random. The course was particularly busy that morning, and I had my honey-do list to get done. So, off I went to join some strangers on the golf course.

When I met the three retired men I was joining, I recognized one of them. I had seen him at the course before, but we had never played. He and another gentleman were cordial enough. The third shook my hand but refused to make eye contact. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it.

For those of you who don’t know me, I was a PGA Class A golf professional for 12 years. I also spent a year in Florida playing mini-tours. I won a few club professional tournaments. My lowest score is a 61. My lowest competitive score is a 65. These days I tell people I can shoot anywhere from 65 to 85 depending on the day. I simply don’t play enough. If you’re playing with me, I don’t care what you shoot. In fact, I’m not paying any attention to your score. It doesn’t matter to me. As long as you’re not a slow player, we will have a good time.

I teed it up on the blue tees while my playing partners played from the gold. This particular morning, my swing felt great. After five holes, I was 2-under.

I tried making small talk. The two guys who had been cordial at the first tee started being less friendly. The third player, the one who refused to make eye contact, was struggling with his game and refused to even say a word.

Walking off the 9th green, I was 3-under. The man I recognized from the course sheepishly approached me.

“I hate to even bring this up, but we have a problem,” he said to me. “We’re going to go in, get a drink and use the restroom. You go ahead and play without us.”

I thought I must have done something to upset them, but I couldn’t even begin to know what I had done.

“I can wait,” I responded. “It’s not a problem.”

“It is a problem. My friend is uncomfortable playing with you. You intimidate him. You need to go and play by yourself.”

I thought about saying something, but I let it slide. Honestly, I was a little angry and upset. I had done nothing to make the guy feel uncomfortable or intimidated. He had refused to even acknowledge my presence.

So, I played the back nine as a single stuck in between groups with nowhere to go. The group I played the front 9 with hung back just enough to not have to wait at the tee with me. The back nine seemed to take forever as I waited on every shot.

I shot a 3-over par 38 on the back nine for an even par round of 70. I allowed my front nine playing partners to ruin my mood and round.

I want to emphasize a few things.

First, I allowed someone else to change my attitude and enjoyment of the day. Ultimately, I’m responsible for my reaction to how I was treated. I should have laughed it off, but I never had been told mid-round on a packed golf course to go ahead and play by myself. It’s happened before a round started. It’s happened when I was paired with a group with a beginner or a group which weren’t regular golfers. In those cases, the course was open in front of us, and I was happy to oblige.

Second, if you play this game regularly, you do so because you love it. You are passionate about the game. Something inside you draws you to the challenge, beauty and comradery the game affords. This bonds all golfers together. No matter your ability, every golfer shares these traits. There is no reason not to want to share them together, even with a total stranger because, in a sense, we are not strangers at all. We are golfers, joined by our love of the game. This alone should be enough to enjoy a round together.

Third, we don’t need to become lifelong friends. If, for some reason our personalities don’t mesh, we can go our separate ways after the round. No harm done. But I have found golfers I play with on a regular basis this way. It’s a great way to meet new people.

Finally, just enjoy the day. I close every newsletter the same way for a reason. I mean those words. Be grateful and thankful when you play. Enjoy the moment. Life doesn’t offer guarantees. The round may be the best round you have ever played. You may hit the best drive of your life. You may make a hole-in-one. It may be the last round you ever play. Don’t take it for granted. Enjoy it. Enjoy meeting someone new if you are being joined by a random, or you are the random.

So, as always, be grateful when you play. Be thankful for the privilege and opportunity to play this amazing game. Now, go golf!